You’re ALWAYS Communicating Something To Someone

Lindsay Lohan. Right message for court?

Like it or not, you are ALWAYS communicating something to someone. The question is not whether you’re communicating, but whether you’re communicating the right messages.

Take Lindsay Lohan for example. I’m not sure which of her body hugging dresses was least appropriate for her early courtroom appearances this year. My vote goes to the putty colored, rubber textured sheath to the left. While some might argue that the dress had a modest neckline and her black tights could hardly be called revealing, others likened her costume to a condom. I’m not going there, but now that you mention it…

In the case of poor Lindsay, it’s hard to know what audience she was playing to and whether she was intentionally managing her message. If she was trying to impress the Playboy magazine editorial team, she probably succeeded since she recently landed a nude photo contract with them worth a whopping $1mm.  On the other hand, I’m not sure that her flagrant disregard of appropriate courtroom attire won her any points with the judge.

Clothing is one of the many nonverbal ways we express ourselves. As Lindsay demonstrates almost daily, it’s a powerful communication vehicle. In fact, research shows that the majority of our communication is nonverbal. Let’s look at a few other examples of unconscious, nonverbal behavior:

Example 1: You’re at a team meeting. Throughout the meeting, your colleagues are consulting their Blackberries, sending texts and responding to e-mail…the 21st century equivalent of checking their watches. What they’re telling you in not so subtle ways is that you’ve lost their attention.   (More on how to run effective meetings in a future blog.)

Example 2: Your office space is divided into a vast sea of cubicles. Nothing on the horizon even vaguely resembles privacy. Yet some anonymous someone is relentlessly snapping gum. A nervous tick? Perhaps, but distracting and inconsiderate nonetheless.

Example 3: You’re scheduled for a one-on-one with your manager. Nice as he is, he radiates tension. His shoulders are always hunched, his voice is tight, his foot is tapping non-stop, his smile never quite meets his eyes. It’s very hard to connect with him in a meaningful way since his tension builds your tension, and the beat goes on…

Many of us send confusing or negative nonverbal signals without realizing it. When this happens, it can break connection and trust in our relationships.

How to improve your nonverbal communication

Assess yourself: The first thing to do is to assess what you’re doing well and what you need to improve. You need to observe yourself. Set up a video camera or recorder to record yourself in action. When you view the results, look and listen for discrepancies between what you’re trying to say and what you’re displaying.

Ask yourself:

1. Is my eye contact missing, too intense or just right?

2. What is your face showing? What are the faces of those around you telling you?

3. Does your voice project tension or delight? Insecurity or confidence?

4. Is your appearance appropriate for the occasion and audience?

5. Are you close enough/too far away from your audience? What feels right to you? to them?

6. Does your body and posture look relaxed? What about the person you’re talking to?

7. What about the “temperature” of the conversation? Is there adequate give and take? Does everyone appear responsive?

We are always communicating something to someone. With words or silence. With action or  inaction. Not only the what, but the how, of communication sends messages to others. Advances in technology and virtual communication make it more important than ever to manage our nonverbal cues when we spend precious face time with each other.  Take it from Lindsay, nobody but you can manage the impression you create.

For more information, contact Quist Solutions at www.quistsolutions.com. 

Who’s On First?

Disconnects happen.  How often have you thought you communicated something clearly, only to learn that your audience didn’t understand? The funny skit Who’s On First?  by Abbott and Costello is probably the best example of disconnects in communication that I’ve ever seen.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfmvkO5x6Ng&feature=related

When major disconnects happen in the workplace they can be costly. Here are 4 examples of common workplace disconnects and ways to avoid them:

• Disconnect No. 1: Instructions are given but they’re not understood. Nobody figures it out until it’s too late;
• Solution: Confirm instructions in writing using action plans or other devices that contain the specific sequence of actions and deliverables, due dates, and who is responsible. After posting the final plan, use it to monitor progress and concerns.

• Disconnect No. 2: Accountabilities are unclear at work–people don’t understand who “owns” the issue, the solution or the results. Even worse, they don’t know how to find out.
• Solution: Use a written document such as a RACI chart to clarify roles, responsibilities and issues of ownership. Post the chart, follow it and reinforce it. (If it seems like I’m big on putting things in writing, that’s because I am. Nothing works better or faster than publicizing names in black and white against  imminent tasks. It’s guaranteed to surface any questions.)

• Disconnect No. 3: Leadership messages are not aligned with employees’ realities, leaving the employees disengaged and under the impression that leadership is completely out of touch.
• Solution: Find ways to engage your employees in conversation every chance you get. If you’re using social media, even if someone is ghostwriting for you, make sure you check the responses. Use Town Halls to ask, “What’s the one conversation we should be having that we’re not having.” Make it safe for them to have the conversation by starting off with your own example.

• Disconnect No. 4: Insufficient context is provided to explain strategies, business decisions, new programs, etc.  Just because you’re clear about the why’s and wherefore’s, your people won’t be.
• Solution: When you communicate the “what” of a decision, be sure to communicate the “why.”  Always share the WIIFM (“What’s in it for me?”).  Employees need to understand why they should care and what benefits will accrue to them.

What disconnects do you experience in the workplace? Share them with us.

For more ideas on how to connect with your employees, contact us at www.QuistSolutions.com.

Is anyone out there listening?

Most of us take listening for granted. We take courses in “active” listening, learning how to paraphrase what others say, testing our empathy through role play and using responsive body language during conversation. Then we check the box and think we know how to listen.

Generous listening

Some years ago, I attended an intensive leadership program that taught “generous listening.” To be a generous listener, I would need to:

• Forget myself
• Suspend my own agenda
• Submit to another’s need for attention

Whoa! What a tall order. Maybe I didn’t know how to listen after all.

The gift of attention

According to Dr. Michael Nichols, author of “The Lost Art of Listening,” it’s “the gift of our attention and understanding (that) makes other people feel validated and valued.”

He suggests that artful listening is about being a witness to another, not a filter of our own experience. He goes on to say that a lack of sympathetic attention accounts for the loss of enthusiasm in our lives, even more than stress. By contrast, receiving simple acknowledgement makes us feel like we’re being understood and taken seriously. Think about that for a minute. What might a little generous listening do to increase employee engagement at work?

Want to increase your Employee Engagement?

Try these three simple exercises for a couple of days and see if anything changes in the way people interact with you:

1. Listen without an agenda. Be completely open to another’s experience and walk in his/her moccasins.
2. Go out of your way to ask others how they would handle situations–before you offer a solution.
3. Take note of how many times you tell someone about a problem of yours, only to be interrupted so they can tell you about their own similar situation or offer you advice.

When we’re with someone who doesn’t listen, we shut down.  Conversely, when we’re with someone who’s listening generously, we feel safe to contribute. Listening is a critical, overlooked and very cost effective way to increase employee engagement.

Want more from your employees? Give more of yourself. Just listen.

PowerPoint is the new poison.

I watched as her eyes glazed over in boredom and she stifled a yawn. She was lost to us!

No, this was not my twenty-two year old daughter during a parental rant, although that’s what it reminded me of. This happened during a PowerPoint presentation delivered by a colleague at a weekly team meeting. When I looked around the room, I saw that the presenter had lost 90% of her audience. A few people were actually nodding off. Why didn’t the presenter see this and what should she have done differently?

There’s an old adage: if the only tool in your toolkit is a hammer, then every problem looks like a nail. Used effectively, PowerPoint can be a great hammer, but not every meeting is a nail.

In Slide:ology: The Art and Science of Creating Great Presentations (http://www.amazon.com/slide-ology-Science-Creating-Presentations/dp/0596522347/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1318520000&sr=1-1), written by the woman who created Al Gore’s presentation in An Inconvenient Truth, Nancy Duarte argues that PowerPoint presentations are comprised of three elements: the message, the delivery and the visual story. When’s the last time you felt like a PowerPoint presentation was a story?

Don’t get me wrong. PowerPoint has its place. It can be great for informing, updating and, when done well, for persuading your audience. It can and should be an element of many meetings—but not the main attraction. It should NEVER be used as a teleprompter (with you as a talking head) or a substitute for building rapport with your audience. PowerPoint is a flawed vehicle for engagement but there are a wealth of useful interactive meeting technologies and other social engagement tools available for building the 21^st century social business. They are well worth the investment if you want to improve innovation and productivity in your organization. For starters, I recommend looking at:

• OneRoom, a social software solution
• www.kiteticglue.com, an enterprise collaboration tool for teams and groups
• http://www-01.ibm.com/software/lotus/socialcollaboration/, IBM’s social business software

There are also great tools to make your meetings more collaborative and engaging without using technology at all. Check out the book Visual Meetings–How Graphics, Sticky Notes And Idea Mapping Can Transform Group Productivity by David Sibbet (http://www.amazon.com/Visual-Meetings-Graphics-Transform-Productivity/dp/0470601787/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1318524926&sr=1-1).

Key point: technology, like PowerPoint, should be an enhancement, not a crutch. When the blackberries go down, our employees need mastery of basic social skills like strong communication, influencing, collaboration and knowledge sharing. We also need to encourage networking, inclusiveness and building strong partnerships both inside and outside the organization. PowerPoint is not the path to the future. And by the way, the future is now.

Watch our website at www.quistsolutions.com for upcoming webinars and workshops in these vital areas.

 

Tell it to a 10 year old

I grew up in a household where words were king.  My father was a classics scholar who studied Latin for ten years and classical Greek for five.  He never missed a Sunday Times Crossword Puzzle in his life and routinely interrupted us kids to find out if we knew the etymology of the words we’d just used.  He was a gifted writer and debater, challenging us relentlessly to try out new words and express ourselves well.

When we were kids, we didn’t play “I spy” on long trips in the car, we played “B for Botticelli.” In spite of his great love of words, he taught me something important about writing and speaking.  He said, “Never dumb it down but never use a big word where a simple word will suffice.”

The Attention Economy

This has never been truer than it is today. We are living in an Attention Economy.  There’s too much information and we’re all competing for the attention of our kids, customers, and employees.  The sad truth? Most of us are losing. So, here’s the big tip of the day:

Tell it to a 10 year old.

When you want to get through to 10 year olds, it’s helpful to remember a few basics:

1. They have limited attention spans, so KEEP IT SHORT.
2. They have limited experience and knowledge, so KEEP IT SIMPLE.
3. They like stories, so TELL THEM STORIES.
4. They like pictures, so SHOW THEM PICTURES.
5. They like to do stuff, so INVOLVE THEM.

Remember these five tricks with your own audience, and I promise you’ll get more of their attention.

Tell us how you get their attention in the Attention Economy.

How influential are YOU?

I work with lots of cross-functional, cross-divisional and cross-company teams, so I hear a lot about the need  to win buy-in across organizational boundaries. Everyone needs to build trust and credibility with their team-mates and they need to do it fast. The trick? If you want somebody on your side, you need to connect with them, not convince them.

Just how do you connect with your peers, direct reports, managers and partners in ways that will build your influence and win their buy-in?  According to the research from Prof. Gary Yukl and management consultant Rick Lepsinger, there are four behaviors that work best for establishing influential relationships and building commitment:

• Rational persuasion (reasoning)
• Inspirational appeals (inspiring)
• Consultation
• Collaboration

There’s a common denominator in all four: You need to know what matters to the people you want to influence. If you don’t know what matters to them, then guess what–it’s all about you.  And we know how well that works.

5 Tips for building connection

Want to do a better job of connecting with others? Here are 5 practical ways to improve your success right away. Practice daily, sit back and enjoy the results:

1. Emphasize what the other person will get out of the working with you by presenting supporting facts as benefits.
2. Encourage people to express concerns or doubts about plans while you’re planning, not afterwards.  Incorporate their suggestions.  Don’t dismiss concerns—address them.
3. Appeal to people’s underlying values. People generally want to accomplish something meaningful, do something exceptional, participate in an exciting effort, or improve something worthwhile.
4. Listen without interrupting.  Check frequently for understanding.
5. Focus on the positive rather than the negative.  Ask people how you can help when they are faced with a challenge. Then do it.

Want the data? *http://onpointconsultingllc.com/docs/Influence.pdf#zoom=100

 We’d like to hear from you. Let us know what works for you in this vital area of communication.

 

Just Starting . . .

Not quite ready to post my first blog, so I hope you’ll come back soon to read my debut.

Please check out my website at: http://www.quistsolutions.com