You’re ALWAYS Communicating Something To Someone

Lindsay Lohan. Right message for court?

Like it or not, you are ALWAYS communicating something to someone. The question is not whether you’re communicating, but whether you’re communicating the right messages.

Take Lindsay Lohan for example. I’m not sure which of her body hugging dresses was least appropriate for her early courtroom appearances this year. My vote goes to the putty colored, rubber textured sheath to the left. While some might argue that the dress had a modest neckline and her black tights could hardly be called revealing, others likened her costume to a condom. I’m not going there, but now that you mention it…

In the case of poor Lindsay, it’s hard to know what audience she was playing to and whether she was intentionally managing her message. If she was trying to impress the Playboy magazine editorial team, she probably succeeded since she recently landed a nude photo contract with them worth a whopping $1mm.  On the other hand, I’m not sure that her flagrant disregard of appropriate courtroom attire won her any points with the judge.

Clothing is one of the many nonverbal ways we express ourselves. As Lindsay demonstrates almost daily, it’s a powerful communication vehicle. In fact, research shows that the majority of our communication is nonverbal. Let’s look at a few other examples of unconscious, nonverbal behavior:

Example 1: You’re at a team meeting. Throughout the meeting, your colleagues are consulting their Blackberries, sending texts and responding to e-mail…the 21st century equivalent of checking their watches. What they’re telling you in not so subtle ways is that you’ve lost their attention.   (More on how to run effective meetings in a future blog.)

Example 2: Your office space is divided into a vast sea of cubicles. Nothing on the horizon even vaguely resembles privacy. Yet some anonymous someone is relentlessly snapping gum. A nervous tick? Perhaps, but distracting and inconsiderate nonetheless.

Example 3: You’re scheduled for a one-on-one with your manager. Nice as he is, he radiates tension. His shoulders are always hunched, his voice is tight, his foot is tapping non-stop, his smile never quite meets his eyes. It’s very hard to connect with him in a meaningful way since his tension builds your tension, and the beat goes on…

Many of us send confusing or negative nonverbal signals without realizing it. When this happens, it can break connection and trust in our relationships.

How to improve your nonverbal communication

Assess yourself: The first thing to do is to assess what you’re doing well and what you need to improve. You need to observe yourself. Set up a video camera or recorder to record yourself in action. When you view the results, look and listen for discrepancies between what you’re trying to say and what you’re displaying.

Ask yourself:

1. Is my eye contact missing, too intense or just right?

2. What is your face showing? What are the faces of those around you telling you?

3. Does your voice project tension or delight? Insecurity or confidence?

4. Is your appearance appropriate for the occasion and audience?

5. Are you close enough/too far away from your audience? What feels right to you? to them?

6. Does your body and posture look relaxed? What about the person you’re talking to?

7. What about the “temperature” of the conversation? Is there adequate give and take? Does everyone appear responsive?

We are always communicating something to someone. With words or silence. With action or  inaction. Not only the what, but the how, of communication sends messages to others. Advances in technology and virtual communication make it more important than ever to manage our nonverbal cues when we spend precious face time with each other.  Take it from Lindsay, nobody but you can manage the impression you create.

For more information, contact Quist Solutions at www.quistsolutions.com.